


Wreck of the Day

by vulpixel



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, depression and anxiety stuff but shouldnt be too bad for anyone reading, linhardt is bernies friend but not always good at it, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its just regular canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpixel/pseuds/vulpixel
Summary: what would happen if the two most anxious and depressed girls in the school get paired together for a project?
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

Class starts as usual. Byleth reads the entirety of her lecture off a single index card. After a while, she grows bored of her lecture and starts talking about swords instead. Petra has no problem with this. Bernadetta pays attention as best she can. She idly doodles along the margins of her notebook while she listens. Linhardt sits beside her, half asleep. His head bobs as he fights off sleep. He is not winning.

“You’ll be working in groups for this project,” Byleth says, reading off her notes.

“We’re what?” Bernadetta quivers, nearly snapping her pencil in half.

“Working in groups.” Linhardt clarifies for her.

“I don’t wanna do that. No one wants to work with me.”

“I mean, I will.” Linhardt shrugs. “Don’t worry about it.”

Bernadetta feels a brief moment of solace. She lets out a sigh of relief.

“I’ll be choosing the groups for you.” Byleth states.

All hope is lost. Bernadetta freezes in fear as her mind goes through everything that will go wrong. What if she gets Caspar? He’s so loud. Or Ferdinand. He’s nice, but also loud and enthusiastic to the point it’s scary. Hubert is… Hubert. Bernadetta gets a shiver down her spine just thinking about him. The possibility of pairing with Edelgard is equally terrifying. This is what hell feels like. Why did she allow herself to leave her room today?

Byleth pulls her from her nightmare. “Bernadetta, you’ll be paired with Marianne.”

“Marianne?” Bernadetta was not expecting that.

“Marianne?” Linhardt has a confused look on his face. He turns around to search for the mysterious girl. “Isn’t she in Golden Deer?”

Bernadetta spots a timid Marianne sitting in the back of the classroom. When did she get here? No one seems to question it further. They continue class as normal. Byleth names off more pairings.

After everyone is paired off, they move to sit next to their respective partner. Marianne walks over to Bernadetta’s table quietly.

“Hello, Bernadetta.” Her voice is so quiet, the girl can barely hear it. “I believe we are partners for this project. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you were in my class.” Bernadetta pulls a chair out for the girl. “You can sit down.”

“Oh. Yes. Sorry.” Marianne quickly takes a seat. She grips tight to the fabric of her dress. “I joined the Black Eagles about a month ago. Byleth asked me to join. I should have told you.”

“A month?” Bernadetta blinks at her. She never noticed. Did anyone notice? “I’m sorry. I should’ve welcomed you earlier.”

“It’s okay. I’m not very noticeable. It’s for the best.”

Bernadetta has no idea what to say. This conversation has been a trainwreck from the beginning. “Well, let’s, uh, do some work. It’ll be fun maybe.”

Anything to distract from the awkwardness between them.

Marianne nods. “That’s a good idea.”

They work quietly. Few words pass between them. Occasionally, one asks a question for clarification, then they return to their silence. Bernadetta works extra hard. It distracts her from the awkwardness between them, and she would hate to slack on a group project and make Marianne hate her forever. She wants to say something, but words fail her. Maybe Marianne already hates her. It only makes sense. They’re gonna fail this project.

Much to her relief, the bell rings, and class is over. A group of students surround Byleth’s desk to ask questions. The rest quickly file out, having better things to do. The weekend is finally upon them. Bernadetta slips out unnoticed. Marianne does the same.

“I’ll see you later.” Bernadetta bids the girl goodbye.

“Oh, uh. I wouldn’t suggest it, but I can’t stop you. Goodbye.” Marianne rushes off in a hurry.

Linhardt lets out a loud yawn. “Finally, class is over. What’s up with Marianne? Usually you’re the one running away scared.”

“I didn’t scare her!”

“Bernie, I’m sorry to say it, but you’re the least scary person I know, and that includes Edelgard. However, it seems something has her bothered. I doubt it’s your fault.”

“I think it is my fault. I mess up everything I touch.”

“What did you do while I was gone?”

“I tried talking to her, and she didn’t seem to like me.” The girl sighs. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Try finding an interesting subject.” He taps his chin in thought. “Ask her about her crest. That’s what I would do. In fact, I don’t believe I know what her crest is. I would be curious to find out.”

“I would rather talk about something like baking or cute cats.”

“Then do that.” He shrugs. It’s good advice, but hard to put into practice. Talking is… difficult to say the least.

“But that’s hard!”

“Then don’t do that.”

“But I wanna talk to her.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” Linhardt says, “If anything, you’ll have to talk about the project.”

\----

Class, as usual, is nerve-racking. Bernadetta uses all her strength to show up. Of course, Linhardt did not. He is probably asleep in the library. Bernadetta panics when she sees him missing. She looks for an isolated seat toward the back. Her gaze falls to Marianne. Bernadetta takes a deep breath and sits next to her. The girl jumps in surprise when she sits down.

“Oh, hi, Bernadetta.”

“Hello, Marianne.” Bernadetta tries to smile, but her nervousness gets the better of her. Her heart beats out of her chest. This is much harder than it seems.

“You don’t have to sit with me if you don’t want to.” Marianne mumbles. “Go sit with your friends.”

“I, uh, don’t really have friends.” The other girl admits. “It would be nice to have another.”

Marianne looks at her confused. “You do not want to be friends with me.”

“I do.” Bernadetta fumbles for the right words. She grows more nervous. “We’re partners right? We can be friends too. If y-you want to of course. I’m not gonna force you.”

“That could be nice, I guess.”

Bernadetta searches for anything else to say. What did she talk about with Linhardt yesterday? Oh. Of course. “Do you like cats?”

This peaks Marianne’s interest. Her shoulders relax a bit. “I do. I love cats. Actually, I like all animals.”

Finally, something to talk about. “What about bunnies?”

“Bunnies are cute.”

“I like to draw them in my sketchbook if you wanna see.” Bernadetta pulls her sketchbook out of her bag to show her.

Right as they’re getting somewhere, Byleth walks in, shattering any progress they just made. Both girls snap to attention. The lecture begins.

After class, the two leave together. Bernadetta gathers the courage to say anything. She misses her chance. Marianne is already gone. Bernadetta walks back to her dorm alone.

\----

Bernadetta enjoys the weekends. It means she has no obligations to leave her room. She sleeps in until her eyes cannot stand to be closed any longer. With nothing better to do, she decides to stay in bed and write. She lies on her stomach and scribbles in an empty notebook.

Hours pass by. Soon, the sun starts to set. Shadows start to stretch across her room. Bernadetta suddenly realizes how much time has passed. Her stomach growls from lack of attention. She forgot to eat again. She really needs to get out of the habit. However, eating requires leaving her room. That is terrifying. Bernadetta spends half an hour weighing the benefits of eating versus staying in her room. Her love of food eventually drags her out for a brief moment.

A long line stands in the way of her goal. She can barely find the strength to place herself at the end. Her mind runs through every scenario of obtaining food. It should be easy, just walk up, ask for the main dish, eat, and leave. Of course, it is never that easy. Anything could go wrong. She plays through the scenario over and over in her mind. She recites exactly what she is going to say as the line shrinks in front of her.

Nothing goes wrong. She gets her food and huddles in the back away from everyone else. As much as she loves food, she has trouble enjoying it. Her stomach grumbles. She idly pokes at her meal.

“Hello?”

Bernadetta jumps. She looks up to see Marianne.

“Oh, hi, Marianne. What are you doing here?”

“Eating.”

“Me too.” She tries to laugh it off. Of course, she’s eating. Why did she ask that? She scolds herself in her head.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

“Not at all!” Bernadetta scooches over to make sure the girl has enough room to sit down.

As soon as the girl takes a seat, neither of them speak. An awkward silence hangs between them. Bernadetta tries to think of anything to say. She wants to talk, but cannot bring herself to say anything. She finishes her meal quickly and heads back to her room. Marianne does the same.

\----

The rest of the weekend goes by as normal. Bernadetta hides in her room. Occasionally, someone knocks at the door, leaving either a glass of water or a baked treat. She knows the professor likes to do this to lure her out of her room, but she does need to remember to eat. She finishes off her muffin and goes back to sleep.

As the weekend comes to an end, Bernadetta regrets wasting it sleeping. Yet, at the same time, she has nothing better to do. Maybe working on the project would’ve been a good idea. Whoops.

The morning sun glares at her through the window. Bernadetta opens her eyes and lets out a sigh. She does not want to go to class; she never does. However, she has an obligation to Marianne. She refuses to let the girl fail because she has no energy to attend class.

To her surprise, Bernadetta spots Linhardt already in class. He lies face down at the table. Bernadetta slips into the seat next to him.

“Huh? What?” Linhardt suddenly sits up. “Oh, it’s just you. Good morning, Bernadetta.”

“Were you asleep?” She asks.

“Maybe. I’m not quite sure.”

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Why would I do that?”

“So you… nevermind. I’m just glad you’re here.”

His eyes focus on something behind him. “Ah, what a surprise.”

Bernadetta turns around to come face to face with Marianne. The girl looks about as tired as Linhardt, if not more. Dark circles hang under her eyes. She looks like a ghost.

“Hello, Bernadetta.”

“A-are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just couldn’t sleep.” She slumps into her seat.

Byleth walks in soon after, and class begins. Today, she keeps the lecture short so they can all go straight to the training room. They separate into sparring partners. One by one, everyone pairs off. Bernadetta finds herself too scared to ask anyone at all. Of course, the obvious choice is Linhardt, but he magically disappeared on the way to the training room.

“Uh, Bernadetta, could we be partners please?” Marianne asks, her voice almost a whisper. “It’s okay if you don’t want to be.”

Bernadetta almost does not hear her. “You want to be my partner? I’m not good to train with. I have weak arms.”

“I have weak everything.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. It means you’re stronger in other places.”

“Not really.”

Before more self-depreciation bounces between the two of them, Byleth walks over holding a training bow. She holds it out to Marianne. “Here. Use this.”

“What?” The bow sits awkwardly in Marianne’s hands.

“Try learning bow today. Bernadetta is one of the strongest archers I know. Full of potential.”

“Me?” Bernadetta squeaks. She cannot believe her ears.

“When you put your mind to it, you can rival Claude.” The professor nods. “And you still have so much potential.”

“Really?”

Byleth nods and walks away. The two girls look at each other in confusion.

Bernadetta clears her throat. “Well, I guess we should, uh, practice.”

“I don’t know anything about bows,” Marianne says quietly.

“I’ll teach you. I think.” The girl positions her bow to set an example. “It’s not too hard. Just hold your arm straight like this.”

Marianne tries to copy her.

“Maybe we should put an arrow in first.” Bernadetta pulls one from her quiver. “You just put the arrow on the shelf. That’s this part sticking out right here.”

After a few minutes of instruction, it comes time to actually shoot. Bernadetta shoots first. She squints at her target, slightly tilting her bow to the side. She releases, and the arrow shoots into the target in front of her. It lands close to the middle.

“That was a good shot.”

Bernadetta smiles. “Thank you. You can try next.”

Marianne looks visibly nervous. Her hands shake slightly as she nocks her arrow. She lets out a squeal as she lets go of the string. The arrow shoots forward, landing in the wall behind the target.

She sighs. “I’m terrible at this. I should stop now.”

“No. Just try it again.” Bernadetta attempts to encourage her. “If we stop, the professor will come over and talk to us.”

“You’re right. I suppose it’s better than getting talked to.”

“Try keeping your eyes open when you’re shooting. It makes it easier to aim.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll try..”

They practice for a while longer. Luckily for them, Byleth stays away from them. Occasionally, she wanders past. Bernadetta can feel her eyes on her, but she never says anything. Marianne loads her bow again. This time, she manages to hit the target.

“Woah.” She does a double-take. Her bow falls to the floor.

“That was really good.” Bernadetta smiles at her.

“Really? It’s not even close to the center.”

“It's an improvement from what I’ve been seeing today.” Byleth sneaks up behind them. She manages to catch both girls by surprise. “I don’t know if the wall can handle many more critical hits like that.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll clean them up.” Marianne apologizes profusely.

“Don’t worry about it. This is all a part of training,” Byleth says, “But I still do expect you to clean up after yourselves when you’re done here.”

“We will, professor.” Marianne squeaks.

Bernadetta leaves class exhausted. She feels overwhelmed from all the activity with her classmates. Lectures are fine; she can comfortably sit in the back where no one looks and quietly take notes. Training is different. Training period means exercise and loud noises and people. Bernadetta does not enjoy any of those. Neither does Marianne. She seems just as anxious as her. Bernadetta searches for anything to say. She wishes Linhardt was there to help her. She lets out a deep breath. At least it is over.

“Thank you for helping me earlier,” Marianne says suddenly.

“Oh, uh, you’re welcome.” Bernadetta answers, thrown off by the girl even talking to her.

“Goodbye.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Probably not.” The girl turns and walks away.

“Wait, Marianne!” Bernadetta won’t let her run away again.

Marianne stops and looks back. “What is it?”

“Do you have any plans for later?” Bernadetta asks timidly.

The other girl shakes her head. “I’m just going to sit in my room and stare at the wall. Maybe read a book.”

“I was gonna do the same thing. Would you like to do that… together maybe?” Bernadetta plays with the sleeves of her hoodie. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I’m not fun to hang out with.”

“We could walk together to the dorms.”

“Really?” The answer comes as a surprise.

“Yes. I like to detour to see my favorite cats.”

“Who’s your favorite?” Bernadetta wonders. “I like the fat calico who hangs out in the merchant area. She always purrs when I pet her.”

“I like the black one who hangs out by the docks. I think he’s taken a liking to Byleth. I often see them sitting at the edge of the dock fishing together.”

They wander about campus together, looking for their cat friends. They find themselves in the stables. Marianne lights up when she sees a familiar face.

“I see Lulu took a trip to the stables today.” She runs over excitedly to a grey striped cat. It meows at her.

“You give them names?” Bernadetta asks.

“Yes. I gave all of them names.”

“And you remember them all?”

“Of course I do.”

Bernadetta points to a fat orange cat. “What did you name him?”

“Garfield.”

“Garfield? What kind of name is that?”

Marianne shrugs. “It just felt right for him.”

“I like it.”

After a long detour, they finally arrive at their destination. Marianne stands awkwardly in the doorway.

“That was fun, Bernadetta. We should do that again sometime,” she says quietly, She plays with the fabric of her dress.

“Well, we should probably work on our project before it’s due. Maybe we could go to the library tomorrow? Unless you’re busy, of course. I would understand.” Bernadetta suggests.

“That would be nice.” A fleeting smile appears on Marianne’s face. Bernadetta almost misses it. “I’m never busy anyway.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah.”

As soon as the door closes, Bernadetta squeals with joy. She can barely contain her excitement as she skips down the hallway toward her own dorm. She jumps onto her bed and hugs her pillow.

“I have a friend!” She cheers for herself. “And she wants to hang out with me!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "this will be a short fic"

The next morning, Bernadetta is bubbling with happiness. She cannot remember the last time she felt this good. The sun shines through the window as she gets ready for the day. She puts on her favorite hoodie, and packs her bag for the library, making sure to include her sketchbook. Then, it occurs to her. They never planned a time. Nuts. She pulls on her shoes and rushes to the library.

A familiar face greets her at the library. She spots Linhardt sleeping on a pile of books. Goddess only knows how he can fall asleep in that position. His back bends in a painful angle. A book covers his head, muffling his quiet snoring. Bernadetta decides to leave him be; she has work to be doing anyway. She scans the room for any sign of Marianne. Unfortunately, her friend has not shown up yet. Bernadetta takes a seat at a table alone and waits. Her mind wanders.

A loud snort pulls her from her thoughts. She looks up to see Linhardt stir. A pile of books fall to the floor as he sits up. Bernadetta hops over to help him pick them up.

“Oh, Bernadetta. You’re here.” He smiles when he sees his friend. “What a surprise.”

“I’m working on my project,” she says, setting the books back on the table one by one.

“That’s good.” Linhardt yawns and stretches his back out. “I should probably get working on mine. I don’t trust Caspar’s abilities to study or write since neither involve punching.”

“You haven’t started yet? You’ve been living in the library all week. I thought that was what you were up to.”

“Well, they brought in some new studies on crests, and I needed to get to them before Hanneman did.” He answers simply. He rubs the grogginess out of his eyes.

“I guess I can’t say anything. I haven’t been working on our project either.” Bernadetta sighs. “I just don’t have the energy.”

“It’s okay, Bernie. Sometimes life hits you hard for absolutely no reason. The fact that you’re still here and making an effort means everything.” Linhardt assures her. Every once in a while, he knows exactly what to say.

Bernadetta smiles. Her eyes start to tear up. “Thank you, Lin. You’re a good friend.”

The library door swings open, and a familiar girl walks in. She timidly walks over to their table.

“Hi, Marianne.” Bernadetta greets her.

“Hi, Bernadetta.”

Linhardt nods to the girl. “Hello, Marianne. It’s nice to officially meet you. I’m Linhardt, but you probably already knew that.”

“Hello, Linhardt.”

They leave it at that. Neither seem to mind.

The girls quickly get to work. After missing a week, they have a lot to catch up on. Linhardt helps them for a while before getting distracted by an interesting passage in the textbook. This leads him to another book which leaves him wanting more information. Before he knows it, he is digging through an old church archive for the answer he craves. Bernadetta is not bothered by this; it is quite normal for him to get distracted this easily. Bernadetta finds it best to let him stay focused on whatever project his mind clings to. She focuses on her own work. Marianne sits next to her. She idly flips through the pages of a book, trying to find a helpful passage.

“Oh, I found it.” She points to a paragraph. “This was the battle we were looking for.”

“Perfect. I’ll jot down the dates.”

They work for what feels like hours, but by the time they are done, most of their project is finished. Marianne lets out a loud yawn and slumps into her chair.

“Excuse me,” she says quietly, feeling a bit embarrassed. She covers her mouth. Her cheeks burn a dull pink.

“It’s okay. I’m tired too. We did a lot of work.” Bernadetta excuses her.

“I haven’t slept in a couple days. Sorry.” Marianne answers.

“Marianne, that’s not good. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“I know it’s bad.” The girl sighs. “It’s hard to fall asleep. I just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.”

“You need to take care of yourself.”

“I have no reason to.” Marianne looks back down at her book.

Bernadetta has no idea how to respond. She feels the same way. Tired, exhausted, sad. She would help her if she knew how. She can’t even help herself. “We did a lot of work today. Let’s take a break.”

\----

Bernadetta lies in bed, trying to gather the energy to get up. She has to go to class, but her body says no. Her mind argues with itself, simultaneously not letting herself go to class and then getting mad at herself for not going to class. Her inner turmoil keeps her trapped under the sheets. She hates it. Something so simple takes all her energy. Her stupid body can’t do anything. Bernadetta sighs and buries her face in her pillow. She has no reason to feel this way. Her eyes droop, and she lets out a yawn. Today is not her day. All she wants to do is go back to sleep. She curses herself for getting back into a slump. The good days never last.

She wakes up again a few hours later. By now, most students are in the dining hall for lunch. Her stomach lurches with pain. She needs something to eat. Anything. It has been days since she last left her room. Her entire body aches. However, getting up is hard. Eating means going out. Going out means seeing people. Seeing people means the possibility of having to interact with them. People are dangerous. People can hurt her and judge her. What if she sees Sylvain in the dining hall? Or gets stuck behind Hubert in line? Just the thought is enough to scare her.

Her anxiety mixes into a terrible feeling in her stomach. It nearly drives her to tears. At least she does not feel hungry anymore. She lies back down and falls back asleep.

\----

Bernadetta wakes up to a knock at her door. She stares silently at her door. Maybe that did not actually happen. She just imagined it. Yes. It’s not real. Only her imagination. She closes her eyes once more.

Another knock comes. Bernadetta sinks into her sheets. Maybe if she waits, the person will go away. She does not want to talk to anyone today.

“Bernadetta?” A faint voice comes from the other side of the door. “Are you there?”

Marianne? Bernadetta jumps up to answer the door. She opens the door to see her friend standing on the other side holding a basket of sweets.

“The professor told me to bring you this.” She holds the basket out for her friend.

“You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“Well, I can’t say no to the professor.”

“The professor shouldn’t be giving me special treatment anyway. I don’t deserve it.”

“Should I bring them back?” Marianne asks.

“No.” Bernadetta hugs the basket to her chest.

“Okay. Enjoy your sweets.” Marianne turns to leave.

“Uh, wait, Marianne. I can’t eat these all by myself.” That was a lie. She could eat the entire basket in one sitting if her body felt up for it. Still, she feels she owes Marianne something. “You should come in for a bit and share with me.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m just the delivery girl,” Marianne says, “Besides, I don’t feel very well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. How about you?”

Bernadetta shrugs. “I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I’m just tired.”

Marianne fake laughs. “Me too.”

“Come inside. If you want. Don’t feel obligated to.”

“Okay.” She walks in and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. Bernadetta closes the door behind them. The air feels strangely still. Bernadetta finds her throat suddenly dry.

“You can sit down.” She tells her friend.

“Oh, uh, yes. Sure.” Marianne looks for somewhere to sit.

“The bed is more comfortable.” Bernadetta smooths the sheets down for her.

Marianne ends up sitting on the bed. Her hands play with the loose fabric of her dress.

Bernadetta sets the basket on her desk. As much as she wants to eat, she cannot bring herself to do it. Her stomach growls in pain.

“You’re not going to eat?” Marianne asks.

“No. I’m not really hungry. It’s okay. I’ll eat later.”

“When did you last eat?”

Bernadetta pauses as she thinks. Her brain struggles to remember back that far. Each day blurs together. She still feels groggy from waking up. “Tuesday maybe? I think I ate a loaf of bread.”

“Bernadetta, it’s Saturday.”

“It is?” All her days blend together. She can barely remember her own name.

“You need to eat.” Marianne decidedly walks to the desk. “Even if it’s just a little. Do you want me to get you something from the dining hall?”

“I’ll eat a cookie. I don’t know if I can stomach a whole meal.”

“Thank you.”

Bernadetta takes a single cookie. Her body rejects the idea of food, but she forces herself to stomach it. She takes a long drink of water to wash it down. Admittedly, she does feel a little better. Marianne seems satisfied now. Both of them sit quietly next to each other on the bed.

“You can go if you want,” Bernadetta says, “I’m sure you have better things to do.”

“I really don’t. I was going to go to my room and pray for a few hours, but it feels useless sometimes.”

“It’s not useless if it makes you feel better.”

“I’m praying for the goddess to take my life. I’ll never feel better.”

“Oh.” Bernadetta has no idea what to say. She would do the exact same thing if she were religious. “It must mean something if she hasn’t. You have a purpose on this world.”

“This is my punishment. The goddess is punishing me.”

“Why are you being punished?”

“I can’t tell you.” Marianne stares down at the floor. She scratches at her wrists nervously. “If you knew, you would hate me like everyone else.”

“I would never hate you, Marianne.”

“You should. I’m terrible.”

“Well, I think you’re a nice person who deserves something nice.” Bernadetta scooches closer to the girl until they are touching.

“Why would you think that?”

“You brought me a basket of my favorite sweets. You didn’t have to do that.”

“The professor asked me to.”

“You still did it.” Bernadetta tries to rationalize with her. “And you made sure I took care of myself by eating. No one else does that except the professor.”

“You’re right. I do care about you.” Marianne whispers. She wipes a single tear from her eye. “I wish you wouldn’t be so sad, Bernadetta.”

“I don’t want you to be sad either.”

“But-”

“Marianne, I hate myself too. I know what it’s like to spend days hiding away from everyone because you don’t think you’re worthy, because you think they all secretly hate you. I’ve never felt safe in my entire life. Day by day, I walk around, feeling like I have a target on my back. I feel worthless. I don’t think I deserve love despite what the professor tells me over and over.” A tear rolls down her cheek. Bernadetta sniffles.

“I’m sorry,” the other girl says quietly, “My mind hates me. No matter what people tell me, I can never truly believe them. A voice always hangs in the back of my head, feeding me evil thoughts. I don’t think I’m worthy of love, and I do everything I can to reject it no matter how much I want it.”

“I want to be loved.”

“Me too.”

The two girls sit in silence for a moment. Bernadetta lets the tears fall. Her entire body tenses up. She pulls her knees to her chest and hugs herself.

“Bernadetta, please don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.”

Too late. Bernadetta breaks down crying, making Marianne cry. They both sit on the bed sobbing. Marianne pulls Bernadetta into a tight hug. Bernadetta hugs the girl back. Eventually, they calm themselves down and just sit in a comfortable silence for a while.

Bernadetta manages to let out a laugh. “I guess we both hate ourselves.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“I don’t hate you either, Marianne.”

“At least we know one person who doesn’t hate us.”

“Yeah.”

“I feel even more exhausted. I need to lay down.” Marianne yawns. “I should get going.”

“You can stay here if you like. To save you some walking. I won’t bother you.” Bernadetta offers.

“I don’t want to intrude on your safe space.”

“I don’t feel in danger with you.”

“Really?” Marianne seems confused by the statement.

“Yeah. I consider you a friend. I trust you.”

“I also think of you as a friend. If you will have me.”

“I will.”

Marianne lies down. Her eyes droop. She mumbles tiredly. “Thank you, Bernadetta. You’re a good friend.”

The other girl moves to her desk to give her friend space to rest. She works quietly in her notebook. Soon, for the first time in a while, Marianne falls asleep.

\----

Bernadetta sits at the end of the bed by Marianne’s feet. The chair got uncomfortable after a while. She needed to sit somewhere soft for a while while she works. Her notebook sits in her lap. She knows she should be doing homework, but her story seems much more interesting at the moment. She scribbles down another paragraph. Marianne remains asleep. She has been sleeping for the past couple hours.

Bernadetta quietly hums to herself as she writes. Her mind imagines a whole story in her head. For the first time in a while, she has the motivation to create. As time passes, her body grows tired. Her eyes struggle to stay open. No. She needs to finish this chapter. She lets out a loud yawn; she immediately covers her mouth so as to not wake Marianne. She glances over to her friend, who remains fast asleep. Her chest rises and falls slowly with each deep breath. She seems so calm compared to her usual self.

Everything is so quiet. Bernadetta can feel herself falling asleep, but she fights it. Her body starts to slump over. Finally, she gives in. Her pencil falls out of her hand, and sleep takes over.

\----

With a quiet yawn, Bernadetta wakes up from her nap. To her surprise, Marianne is still there. She sits on the bed, idly playing with the fabric of her uniform.

“Marianne? You’re still here?” Bernadetta rubs the grogginess out of her eyes.

“You looked comfortable, so I did not want to wake you.” Marianne responds quietly.

“It’s okay. If you want to leave, leave.”

“Well, I was kinda enjoying our time together,” she says, looking away from the girl, “Even if we weren’t doing anything. I felt comfortable. I never feel that way around anyone but the professor.”

“I felt comfortable too. I would never be able to fall asleep with someone else in the room.”

“I’m glad you feel comfortable around me.” Marianne smiles at the girl.

Bernadetta feels her heart skip a beat. She takes a mental picture of her to save forever. “Me too, Marianne.”

“You can call me, Mari. That’s what my friends, well, that’s what the professor calls me.”

“Okay, Mari.” Bernadetta responds. “You can call me Bernie. That’s what Dorothea calls me.”

“Bernie. That’s a cute name. I like it.”

Bernadetta feels her heart swell at such a simple statement. Nicknames mean friendship. They’re _friends_. It means the world to Bernadetta.

“So, what now?” Marianne wonders.

“Well, we should probably work on our project.”

“You’re right.”

“But it can wait until tomorrow.” Bernadetta hums. She is really not in the mood to do any work.

“Yeah. I need to get back to my dorm.” Marianne stands up. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“That would be nice.”

Marianne lingers in the doorway. “Bernie, I want to thank you again. It’s nice to have someone to lean on sometimes.”

“Me too.” Bernadetta meets her friend in the doorway. “Thank you for taking care of me earlier.”

They stand in silence just staring at each other.

“Can I hug you?” Marianne asks nervously.

“Y-yes. Of course.” The other girl answers.

Marianne pulls her into a tight hug. Bernadetta squeezes her back. The hug lingers for a while. It feels right. Neither of them want to let go.

\----

Morning comes too quickly. Bernadetta lies in bed, listening to the church bells chime the hour. She does not want to get up. Her bed feels too comfortable for that. However, she does need to go to class for Marianne’s sake. She promised her yesterday. At least she feels better now. In fact, she feels healed enough to finally go to class. She finally gets up to prepare for the long day ahead.

She shows up to class early. Being late stresses her out, so she tries her best to show up extremely early if she shows up at all. To her surprise, Linhardt is already there, asleep at his seat. His quiet snores fill the otherwise empty room. Bernadetta takes the seat next to him.

Linhardt jolts awake as he sits down. They both jump in surprise.

“Oh, it’s just you,” he says with a sigh of relief, “I was scared you were Caspar.”

“Caspar?”

“I like Caspar. But he would want to talk about goddess knows what, and I am much too tired to listen. He is much too spry in the mornings. It’s almost scary.”

“I don’t know how he does it.” Bernadetta leans her head in her hand.

“It’s nice to see you back in class.”

“You too. I’m just surprised to see you here so early. When did you get here?”

“Well, the professor said I need to show up to more classes or else she’ll fail me. She said if I just show up to class, she’ll pass me.” He yawns. “So I slept here for good measure. Can’t miss it now.”

His methods are questionable, but if it works, it works. Bernadetta has to admit the idea is clever at least.

Slowly, the other students start to trickle in. Edelgard and Hubert walk in one after the other. They sit in the front of the classroom, ready for action. Petra follows close behind. She takes a seat next to Dorothea. Marianne comes in and sits next to Bernadetta. She gives the girl a small smile as she takes her seat. Soon, all the class has arrived. Except for one person.

The professor has yet to show up. The clock strikes the hour, and still no sign of Byleth. The students would worry, but this happens more often than not. Eventually, Byleth stumbles into class. Her books teeter dangerously in her arms. They slam onto the desk, silencing the entire classroom. They all snap to attention.

“Okay, uh.” Byleth pulls out a note card, ditching the books entirely. “Let’s start class. I would like to start with a discussion on proper sword technique.”

Petra’s hand shoots up. This is going to be a long class. Bernadetta does her best to listen, but there is only so much talk about swords one can endure. She resorts to doodling in her notebook. Linhardt gives up. His neck cranes to the side as he falls asleep. The position looks extremely uncomfortable. Even Berandetta can feel it just by looking at him. She decides to look at Marianne instead. The other girl hunches over her notebook as she scribbles horse drawings all over the paper.

Gently, Bernadetta nudges Marianne and slides her own notebook in front of her. Marianne looks up to see a drawing of a very fat cat. She covers her mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Is that Garfield?” She asks, keeping her voice low.

Bernadetta nods. She draws another one. “I’ve made him a character for a story.”

“What’s your story called?”

“Uh, Garfield? I haven’t thought that far yet.”

“What’s the story about?”

“Not really anything. Just cat things.” Bernadetta flips to another page. “I like to draw him eating. He’s always asking for food.”

Marianne reads over the various scenarios Garfield gets put in. “These are hilarious. You really have a talent for this.”

“These are just random doodles.”

“They’re still good. I like them.”

Bernadetta suddenly has an urge to draw more. Luckily, they have at least another hour of class time. Byleth shoes no signs of stopping.

\----

After class, everyone rushes out to head to the dining hall. A few students linger in the classroom to talk with the professor. Caspar discusses some bizarre topic with her. He drones on excitedly. Hid arms wave around to accentuate his thoughts. Bernadetta packs up her books while Marianne waits for her.

“Have you eaten today?” She asks both her friends.

The two nod their answer. Linhardt lets out a loud yawn. “I guess I should eat something so I won’t fall asleep at the library.”

“Mari, would you like to come with us? You need to eat too,” Bernadetta says.

“Oh.” She still seems surprised by the offer. “I can come with you if you want.”

“I would love for you to come with us.”

The three head to the dining hall together. As always, it is busy. The lunch rush sweeps through, making the line wind out the door. Most of the tables are full already. The smell of a savory meal wafts through the room. Bernadetta’s stomach growls at the smell. She definitely feels better now.

Linhardt stands in line with the girls. Both of them seem nervous being around so many people at once. Class was one thing, but the dining hall is overwhelming. Too many people. Bernadetta tries her best to remain calm. She has to stay strong for Marianne. Luckily for them, Linhardt distracts them with conversation.

“So I’ve been reading about crests.” He starts. “”Recently, I’ve been studying the likelihood of inheriting a crest. I made some theories which led me to wonder what would happen if both parents had a crest. If they had two children, would each child get a different crest? Two crests at once? I’ve never heard of a case where one person had two crests. Er, well, obtained naturally. Anyway, I spent two weeks studying up on it and made a chart for the percentage rate of every scenario.”

Although Bernadetta has little interest in what he says, it distracts her from the terror that is ordering food. She likes to listen to him talk. Linhardt is easy to talk to. Especially when she does not have to say anything back, just listen.

“Is that what you’re doing for your project?” She asks, only half paying attention to his ramblings.

“No. Not at all. I haven’t even started my project yet.”

“I feel like you should.”

Linhardt shrugs. “It’s an easy project, and I have plenty of time. I’ll be fine.”

He says that every time.

Before they know it, they are at the front of the line. Linhardt goes first, putting less stress on Bernadetta. He always goes first, knowing his friend will copy whatever he says. Marianne does the same.

They head out to the courtyard to enjoy their meal. The sun warms the courtyard. Students hang around, enjoying meals together. Ferdinand and Lorenz enjoy a cup of tea together. With all the tables taken, the group settles into the grass to eat their meal together. Bernadetta takes her time to enjoy her food. It feels good to be able to eat again. She glances over to make sure both her friends have eaten all their food.

Once everyone has eaten enough to Bernadetta’s liking, they relax in the grass for a while as they digest. Linhardt lies down on his back, He strikes up a conversation with Marianne.

“So, Marianne, I’ve been wondering about this for a while since no one seems to know. What is your crest?”

Marianne tenses up. Bernadetta notices. She waits for something to happen.

“I don’t have a crest.”

“You do. You’re just keeping it a secret. Not even Hanneman knows. Why? Is it a rare crest? The crest of flames perhaps?”

“It’s nothing like that. My adoptive father told me to keep it a secret, and I intend to obey his wishes. It’s for the best you don’t know. I don’t want to endanger you.”

“Endanger me? This just has me more intrigued. Will you please tell me? I won’t speak a word to anyone. I just want to research you.”

Marianne hugs her knees to her chest. Her voice starts to waver. “I will have to refuse. I’m sorry.”

Linhardt frowns. “I don’t see why this is such a problem. Most of us here have crests. You’re no different from us.”

“It’s just- I can’t do this. I can’t tell you. Please stay away from me for your own safety. I’m sorry.” The girl stands up and runs off.

Bernadetta jumps up. “Marianne, wait!”

A few heads turn to see what is the commotion. They quickly go back to their activities.

Bernadetta looks to Linhardt. “Why did you do that? You upset her.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm. I was just curious.”

“You better apologize to her face later. Stay away for now. I need to go find her before something bad happens.”

Unfortunately, finding the quietest student on campus can prove a challenge. Bernadetta starts at the dorms. She knocks on the girl’s door.

“Mari? Are you in there? Are you okay?”

No answer.

Bernadetta balls her hands into fists as she fights back tears. She runs to check the bathrooms. Still, no sign of her. She sprints across campus to the church. Unfortunately, choir practice is going on. The discordant sounds of singing echo through the church. There is no way Marianne is here. Bernadetta heads down to the docks, not knowing who else to turn to.

As expected, the professor sits at the edge of the dock. Her fishing pole sits in her lap as she stares into the water. A cat sits next to her, watching the pond below. Bernadetta walks up nervously.

Byleth looks up, seeming surprised to have a guest. “Bernie” I never took you as the type to go fishing. You’re welcome to join me.”

“Uh, no. I came here for help.”

“Help with your project?”

“No. Marianne is missing. You’re the only other person she is close to. Would you know where she went?” Bernadetta fumbles with her words as she tries to stay calm.

“She’s missing? Have you checked the stables?”

“The stables? Not yet.”

“She likes to spend time there after class. However, she has been spending more time with you lately. I hope you’ve become friends.”

“She is my friend. That’s why I’m worried about her.”

“What happened?” Byleth asks, standing up.

“Linhardt kept asking about her crest, and she freaked out. I need to check on her to make sure she is okay.”

“Would you like me to come with you? Marianne’s safety is important to me, and I know about her crest.”

“She told you?”

Byleth nods. “Marianne does not trust a lot of people with her secret. The thought of her secret getting out causes her a lot of anxiety. We need to go check on her.”

She takes the lead. Bernadetta follows her down to the stables. As expected, they find Marianne hidden inside. She stands next to a horse, hugging him and petting his mane gently. Bernadetta can see her body shaking.

“Mari, are you okay?” Byleth asks.

Marianne jumps in surprise. “How long have you been there?”

“We just got here.” Bernadetta responds. “We were looking all over for you. We were worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Mari, you’re crying.” She takes a step closer.

Marianne backs away. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not gonna hurt me.”

“I will.”

“Do you really want us to leave you alone?” Byleth asks. She keeps a certain distance behind Bernadetta.

“No.” Marianne sniffles. “I just can’t let you near me.”

Bernadetta continues to approach her. “You can’t make me leave. I refuse to leave you here to suffer alone.”

“Bernie, please. I don’t want to bring you down with me.”

The girl takes a final step forward so they are standing face to face. Slowly, she puts a single arm on her friend to comfort her. Marianne tenses up at the touch, but slowly leans into her. She pulls her into a hug.

“Let me help you like you helped me.” Bernadetta whispers into her ear. “You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”

“I’m going to hurt you.”

“You’re not hurting me. I trust you won’t hurt me.”

“But I will.” Marianne cries out. She sinks to the ground. “Get away before it’s too late.”

Bernadetta kneels down next to her and hugs her tight. Marianne grabs onto her. Her body shakes as anxiety takes over. She pulls into herself. Bernadetta whispers calming words to her. They sit together in the stable until Marianne calms down. Her breathing slows down to a normal rate. She rests her head on Bernadetta’s shoulder. They lean against the wall.

“Do you feel better?” Bernadetta asks.

Marianne answers truthfully. “Not really.”

“It’s okay. You can’t feel great all the time. I’ll stay with you until you feel better.”

“I would rather you stay after I feel better too.”

“I will.” The girl assures her. She squeezes her shoulder.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this.” Marianne whispers.

“Mari, it’s okay. This is what friends do. We help each other.”

“I’m glad to have you as my friend, Bernie.”

Bernadetta looks up to see where Byleth went. To her surprise, the professor is nowhere to be seen. They are alone with only the horses to accompany them.

“Hey, Bernie?”

“Yes, Mari?” She likes saying her name. It leaves a happy fluttering feeling in her chest.

“Can you walk me back to my room?”

“Of course I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading ^-^ i'll hopefully post the rest of it tomorrow!! bonus points if u know what song this is named after  
> twit [vulpixel](https://twitter.com/_vulpixel)


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